IN LOVING MEMORY ~ ALESYA

INTRODUCTION

MANY OF YOU may remember Alesya. For Nastya Andreyovna and myself, she is more than a passing memory – she is an imprint of love on our hearts. A soul that we will miss until we see her on that beautiful shore called heaven.

ALESYA WAS BORN in October of 1990 in Samara, Russia. About 1997, her family of 6 (mom, dad, older brother and two younger sisters) moved here to America. It’s amazing how such a one, born practically on the other side of the world, would someday come into such close contact and love to us as to make such a lasting impression that would never leave!

WE MET ALESYA and her family a couple of years after they had moved here. Her family came into a church service one day. Nastya saw Alesya and her family and immediately, wanted to go meet them. She dragged shy me, along with her. She and Alesya exchanged addresses and a friendship was developed. It was almost as if they were meant to be friends from the very beginning. They kept up communication, though it was not as regular as Nastya would’ve liked. Occasionally, they would get together and visit. In spite of not being able to see her as often as she would have wanted, Nastya considered her one of her best friends. She practically adored Alesya! I met her maybe once or twice again after that and  saw pictures when they would visit, but other than that I didn’t really know her or her family much.

IN SEPTEMBER OF 2006, Nastya’s family went to visit Alesya’s family at their home. Nastya had had so much fun with them and, as she has related to me, she told her mom, “Mom, we should do this more often!” She wished she could see Alesya every week! Her mom simply laughed at her exclamations and did not say much in response. Little did Nastya know that in just a few months her wish would be granted, but in a way that she had never dreamed of! Little did I know, as she showed me the pictures of their visit and declared the praises of Alesya’s family and the wonders of their home, that I too would soon be seeing them and “re-meeting” them. That I would be going to Alesya’s house every week to “visit”. No, neither of us dreamed of what was to come. Our lives went on in the still almost child-like innocence. Nastya’s friendship with Alesya remained strong, but little did we know that tragedy was just around the bend!

YOU RAISE ME UP

IT WAS JANUARY 2007. I was at the computer checking my email . . . an email from Nastya. I don’t remember the title of the email, but I do remember that it carried bitter news. The email was regarding Alesya. This is what she had received from Alesya’s younger sister Oksana:

“Nastya, please pray. Something is terribly wrong with Alesya. My mom is taking her to the doctor, and they have run tests, but they still haven’t figured out what is wrong with her. It is very scary. Please pray!”

Nastya’s own words from a blog post about it describe her feelings at that moment best:

“THE EMAIL COMPLETELY SHOOK ME. A slap in the face would not have startled me more. For, ironically, in the past my mind had sometimes contemplated the question – “What if Alesya ever became really sick and died?” Not a thought I ever tried to spend much time thinking over, as it was always sure to bring a torrent of tears, but now the irony of my thoughts actually scared me. What IF? Could my fears actually become reality? Sitting with my head in my hands, my mind wandered once more. What if her sickness proved to actually be something fatal? What if….oh, the thought made me shudder…what if she ended up with CANCER? And died? My mind painted vivid pictures of a dying friend in the hospital as we all stood saying goodbye to her. Oh, how could I BEAR to lose such a wonderful, beautiful friend? It was too much, and I broke down and sobbed bitterly at the thought. Then I straightened – sat up and shook the tears from my eyes. This was nonsense, I told myself. You are simply wasting time crying over nothing!”

YET HER FEARS weren’t just nothing. Soon we again received word on Alesya. She was being taken to a big city south of here for emergency surgery to remove a tumor the doctors had found on her brain. We all felt such a burden for her and as Nastya stood to request prayer for her in the next church service, she remembers there being a distinct murmur of sympathy rippling throughout the church for her.

ALESYA’S MOTHER Zoya has told us of an incident when Alesya was in the hospital just recovering from the surgery and barely able to speak. A little 18-month old baby shared the hospital room with her. It’s life had already been intruded upon by several surgeries and there was not much hope for the wee one. Yet, Alesya noticed the poor thing, and unheeding her own suffering, she managed to say to her mom, “Oh mom! The poor baby!”

AFTER RETURNING HOME from the hospital, Nastya’s family went and visited her. She was weak, but in good spirits and talking about how she would have such stories to tell her kids! She insisted on Nastya’s knowing and seeing that she was okay, and proved it to her by getting up and walking around the room with a little help. Though they had gone to be an encouragment, Nastya’s family came away encouraged themselves.

Alesya when Nastya’s family went to visit her in January after the surgery

SEVERAL WEEKS LATER Nastya received an email again from Oksana – one, as she described, that would change the lives of all of us – FOREVER:

“Nastya, I have terrible news. The test results have come, and Alesya has cancer.”

IT WAS ALL such a shock and carried such sadness. But at the same time, I knew that we had a powerful God – the God of healing! But things were in his hands – it was according to HIS will and not ours that we knew we had to submit things. Nastya has said that the grief was so great and as she cried out in agony to God, “Why God?!”, in His reply to her, He gently told her that it was not His will that Alesya get well. The tears burst forth, yet she thought perhaps she was just imagining it. She tried to put it behind her and didn’t even tell me until the very end . . . yet there are times when there is just no mistaking God’s voice and even though our flesh may want to deny it, deep inside we know it’s true. Yet, we hoped against hope! While she was yet living, there was still hope. Nastya faithfully requested prayer for her to the saints and they were faithful to carry a burden. Many prayers went up for her and many cards and sympathies were sent her way during the  months that followed. We regularly remembered her in our prayers.

IN REMISSION!!!

IN MAY OF 2007, the Make-A-Wish foundation sent Alesya and her family on a vacation to Hawaii. Among the things that she did there, she got to swim with dolphins. I remember her mom later telling us about it …. how the dolphin had swam up next to her on the right side to give her a ride, but Alesya was paralyzed on that side. The trainer then “told” the dolphin that she couldn’t use that side and to go around to the other side. So the dolphin swam around and Alesya was able to hold on to the dolphin and swim with it! How amazing! In later months as we would visit her, I remember the picture of her with the dolphin hanging in her room and we would look at it and talk about it. Alesya had been to Hawaii once before. Yet, though she’d had fun on this last trip, Alesya told us that she liked the first trip to Hawaii better. She said the second trip was sad because she was sick.

SOON AFTER, we found out that Alesya was in remission! PRAISE THE LORD! We were so happy! God had answered prayer and healed her! . . . Or at least, so we thought. But God had a different plan.

INITIAL VISIT

ALESYA NEVER really got well. Around August, we started getting reports that she was not doing well at all, that she was extremely weak to the point that she couldn’t stand even with help, that she was having seizures . . . our hearts cried out again for her! So, we finally made the decision, Nastya’s family and mine to go and visit her. Another couple from church that knew her family came along as well. Since Nastya and her mom play the harp, they brought it to play for her.

I DON’T QUITE know WHAT we were expecting, but we were definitely NOT expecting what we saw. We walked in and she was propped up on the couch with pillows and blankets, her family gathered around. Her hair was short – just growing back from losing it due to the chemo. The right side of her body was paralyzed so that she could hardly do anything without help. She couldn’t really talk . . . the only words she said to us that day that I remember were “thank you”. I later realized that she could talk some, but it was slow and drawled – like a stroke patient. Our hearts were so heavy. We sang some songs for her amongst which was one that she absolutely loved and remained her favorite that we would sing for her, even up to the end of her time here. That song was “I’ll Never Miss Heaven For The World”! Not long ago, I got to watch the video of that first visit including us singing that song to her. Nearly the whole time, she had such a beautiful smile on her face. That is what EVERYONE noticed and remembered about her! That is what stood out….. her smile! These are the words to “I’ll Never Miss Heaven For The World”:

“Beyond the borders of time, there’s a beautiful land

Where the word of God is glory unfurled

And by the grace of God I someday will call it my home

I’ll never miss heaven for the world!

Chorus: I’ll never miss seeing Jesus,

I’ll never miss seeing loved ones who’ve gone on before

I’ll never trade forever for a few days down here

I’ll never miss heaven for the world!

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord

Though the things of earth may try to allure

For the smile of God means more than sin’s brief glittering days

I’ll never miss heaven for the world!

When we get to that place, it’ll be worth going through

All the trials and afflictions down here

I’m going to finish this race, going to see Jesus face

I’ll never miss heaven for the world!”

Beautiful song. Beautiful girl. Beautiful smile. Beautiful spirit. But oh! How our hearts wept! When we all knelt to pray for her healing, it was all we could do to keep the tears back. Pictures were taken, our good-byes were said and we slowly filed out the door, her parents walking out with us. As we stood out in their driveway, it was then that they poured out to us the thing that they hated most to tell her. The doctors had said the cancer was back – all over her brain – and that they gave her no hope. They had sent her home to die.

“All we can hope for is a miracle,” said her mother.

WE WENT home with such heavy hearts. Yes, all we could do was hope and pray for a miracle! What was God’s plan in all this? We know He did have one!

AFTER THAT, Nastya and I went regularly to visit Alesya. Every week we’d call up her mother and ask how Alesya was and if she was up to a visit. Sometimes it would just be us, sometimes both of our families would gather for a visit. We’d all squeeze into Alesya’s little room that her brother had kindly given to her, and talk and sing. Those were good times . . . looking over old pictures, enjoying the food that her mother always seemed to have ready for us, laughing, singing, praying . . . in spite of the heartache of the trial, we were able to make treasured memories of good times spent together. When I went, it was usually just me, my mom and sister or sometimes my mom would drop me off by myself and I would talk to Alesya and read to her. Always before we left, we would pray with her and always when we asked her if she had any request it was “for me to get better”.

ONCE WE MET at her house with a bunch of the girls from church. We’d all gone in together on a bouquet of flowers for her and we all gathered at her house to give them to her. Another time, dear Amanda L. came. She and Nastya had gotten together and practiced some songs on the violin and harp to play for Alesya. They were very beautiful – both of them are excellent players! Most of their songs were of Celtic/Irish influence and they also both played solos for her. I remember Chelsea’s solo (or one of them) being the song “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” . . .

“BLESSED ARE THE PURE IN HEART”

IN OCTOBER, Alesya and her mom started planning for her 17th birthday. I remember going over to visit and her showing us pictures of cakes that they were looking at – beautiful wedding style cakes. Alesya was so excited as they began planning the party. They wanted to make it the best possible, seeing that it could be (and was) her last birthday. It was with great excitement that she handed us the invitation to her party with a small picture of her enclosed inside . . . the picture still sits on my dresser to this day. She was so excited for this party to come!

AND THE DAY FINALLY CAME! Nastya and I headed over to the family’s house bringing my cousin Amber who’d visited Alesya before along with us. The present I had gotten her was a little tea candle holder with a preserved oak leaf on it symbolizing “long life”. On the oak leaf was a tiny butterfly . . . how funny that it should be so symbolic! The evening was beautiful and many friends and family gathered around to make it the best party for her. The food was excellent and yes, the cake was beautiful! Her brother lighted the candles for her and her mom helped her stand up to blow them out. But the little strength she had did not suffice – though she tried, she could not blow them out. So she enticed the help of her little cousin to help her. After we sang to her, the bouquet of 17 pale pink and lavender balloons was released into the evening sky. We watched as it sailed higher and higher and finally disappeared into the blue of God’s vast heaven.

HER MOTHER asked us girls to sing Alesya’s favorite song for her – “I’ll Never Miss Heaven for the World”. We did our best in spite of the nervousness we felt in front her friends and family gathered around. In the middle of the song, Alesya’s uncle fell backward off his chair. Everyone started laughing, including Alesya who seemed to think it was pretty funny! Yet after we were finished, as I sat next to her, she did her best to explain to me that she wasn’t laughing at us . . .  . she wanted me to know! Just like her . . .  so sweet and thoughtful!

AFTER OPENING presents, taking pictures and listening to her youth group sing, she was getting pretty tired and so the drooping flower was hauled off to bed while everyone took leave. It was a beautiful party, yet how little did we know that cool October night that exactly 6 months  later, to the date, she would be gone!

THE VISITS continued, but by now they were confined to her room – rarely ever did we visit in the living room any more. It became more and more difficult for her to get out and do things.

WE CONTINUED to come every week as we could. Often times, we’d bring something with us for her . . . a smoothie, some flowers, fruit, a stuffed animal ….. I remember one time selecting some of my scrap-booking things to bring to her. Though she never got to use them, we had fun going through all the stickers, papers and die cuts. She loved them and thanked me for bringing them . . . I remember her sweet voice – drawled and broken, yet such a sweet voice to my memory. A voice sometimes wished that I could hear once more!

OCCASIONALLY, we also brought friends along. Once our pastor came and talked with Alesya, asking her questions about herself and her dreams. We had a “little church service” (as he later termed it) in her room, singing and praying with her. Such precious memories!

YET, more often than not, it was simply a few of us or just myself.

AT CHRISTMAS time, Nastya’s family and mine have a tradition of going and caroling for the elderly in the rest homes. Since she and her mom play the harp, we drag it along with us and sing to the music of the harp and include a few harp solos as well. In 2007, we decided to go carol for Alesya. When we got there, she sat in the living room, propped up on the couch – a special treat, since normally she wasn’t able come out of her room when we came. We always make a “program” of Christmas songs, so we sang several, if not all of those songs for her. At the end, we told her that we had one last song to sing for her and we started singing her most favorite song, “I’ll Never Miss Heaven for the World”. I remember her getting so excited and happy when we started singing it . . . her mom started crying. She had loved all of our Christmas songs, but none brought so much joy to her as that song! We visited a little and then said goodbye. Though the cancer was a difficult trial, there was still joy!

THE YEAR 2008

The year 2008 had arrived!!! Alesya and her family rejoiced in the fact that she had made it through a year since the beginning of her illness! A VICTORY!

BUT AS THE months passed, it was obvious that she was getting worse. Around February or March, is when I remember it becoming more keen that she was not doing well at all. She was choking on liquids and some of her foods.  It was getting harder for her to talk and communicate even the basic things that she wanted or needed.

THERE WAS a time about March, that my mom and I and maybe my sister went to visit her. As we sat in her room, her mother had brought her something to drink, I believe, and she began choking on it. We sat almost helpless trying to figure out how to help her for like 10 minutes. After we prayed, she seemed to do better and finally pulled through. At the end of the prayer, she managed an “Amen!’ and smiled. But it was at times like these, where we really became aware that things were beginning to spiral downhill for her.

ANOTHER TIME in March, I went to see her for my weekly visit. It was the day before our church’s youth group was leaving for the annual spring cabin trip and I wanted to make sure that I went and saw her before we left. My mom dropped me off as she had some errands to do. As I walked in, her mom told me that she had not been doing well – she’d had a hard night, had been uncomfortable and crying. She asked me to try to cheer her up if I could – maybe read the Bible to her and try to get her mind off of things a bit. I went in and sat down with her. I know that I read some of the Bible to her and that it seemed to comfort to her. But I don’t remember much about that particular visit with her besides the fact that it did not last more than 15-20 minutes at the most. She was so tired that she was falling asleep on me. I finally left her to get some sleep. Since my mom had just barely dropped me off, I sat in the kitchen and visited with her mother until she could pick me up. That was a very sobering visit! Her mom was so grieved . . . Alesya was having such a hard time and she didn’t know what to do. It was getting to be very difficult. for Alesya and her whole family. Thank be to god, through her illness she didn’t have any pain, but it was still not easy and now, it was getting extremely worse. Several times as we talked, she would bury her face in her hands and start sobbing. I hardly knew what to do. I so wanted to be a comfort and help of some sort, but what was there to say? I just prayed and did the best I could. But as I left, my heart was heavy. I relayed the difficulties of the visit to Nastya the next morning as we waited to leave for the cabin. That night in our service, I raised my hand and requested prayer to the saints for Alesya. I told them that I had visited with her and she was not doing well at all . . . please pray!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TIME TO SAY GOODBYE . . .

IT WAS about a month or so later, more or less, that we received a phone call. It was a phone call that should have been expected, but when it came, it hit us hard – like someone had taken a huge rock and chucked it at our hearts! This is what I wrote sometime later regarding that phone call:

“I KEEP thinking about that phone call of almost a year ago – The scene and details – the story replaying in my mind again and again as if I was telling it. So now I will tell it. Of course, words often don’t come to me in writing the way they do to my mind when it’s being replayed in my thoughts, but I will make an attempt.

“I REMEMBER that day so clear. I was sitting at the kitchen table with our educational specialist S-, going over my learning record for the month when that shocking call came. It was a call among thousands in my lifetime, yet hardly a one bearing such sadness – hardly a one that would make such a difference in my life from then on. I remember my mom taking the phone and talking to the person on the other line. Yet, I could tell this wasn’t just any ordinary phone call – something was up – something was wrong. When she hung up the phone she said, “Alesya’s dying.” and started bawling. WHAT?! NO!!!! It can’t be so! Such a shock! Such a weight as hit my heart when those words were forced into my mind! It was as if someone hit me in the chest – as if someone dropped a heavy rock on my heart. Such a heaviness! I had to swallow the lump that rose in my throat, trying hard to keep the tears from my eyes – trying to keep my composure. Even my teacher started crying and she didn’t even know the girl! We hurried through the rest of my stuff, all the while a shock – a heavy weight lying hard and uncomfortable on my heart. I knew Alesya had not been doing well. I knew she was getting worse and rapidly declining. I knew that it seemed she was just a little worse every time I went to see her. Yes, I knew she could no longer talk at all and communication was extremely difficult for her. Yes, she’d been choking on liquids and all that. Yes, she was getting weaker. I KNEW that, BUT I still didn’t expect it to be so soon – so sudden. It was as if I never really had thought she was going to die or as if I had never known it could really happen – at least not NOW! Why, hadn’t we seen her but a week or so ago? And hadn’t she been conscious then? Hadn’t she still understood us? And so we hurried through what needed to be done.  We were wanted to come and say goodbye – she was in a semi-comatose state and it could be even but a matter of hours before she was gone. As we prepared to leave, we decided to call some of the saints and ask them to be please be praying. I volunteered to call Rebekah M. so her family could be informed and could be praying. I went into my bedroom, picked up my cell-phone and called her phone. “Hello?” As soon as the sad words flew out of my mouth, the dam in my heart that had been restraining my emotions and feelings from coming out now broke in pieces and I started sobbing. Rebekah, of course, was so sweet about it all, even later calling back to leave a message for me to encourage me – which it did and I am ever appreciative of it. We finally left. The drive there was a sober one. We knew if God willed it, that it could be a time of showing His power, but whatever His will was – that was what we would be soon finding out. It was the dividing point in time. He would either work a miracle and heal her, or He would take her to be with Him. He chose the latter. It was time to say goodbye. It would be the last time we would see her on this earth.”

WORDS CAN HARDLY describe the heaviness we felt! We drove over to her home as soon as we could. Nastya’s family met us there. We filed into the dark room, where she lay unconscious on the bed. The nurse had said that she could possibly be somewhat coherent and be able to hear us so we let her know we were there and we began to sing. The one song that was a must, we began singing, “Beyond the borders of time, there’s a beautiful land where the word of God is glory unfurled, and by the grace of God I someday will call it my home, I’ll never miss Heaven for the world! . . .” Our voices rose together and as we sang, in the middle of the song, she began to stir and her face crinkled up, almost as if to cry. We went and beckoned her mother who came in and began softly and rapidly talking to her, “Alesya! Alesya!” But she got little or no response. That was the only time that Alesya responded to us in any way while we were there . . . when we were singing the song she loved so much, a song about the beauty of Heaven! Other than that, she just simply lay there, eyes closed, unresponsive. One by one we all filed out of her room, each of us stopping by her bed to say that dreaded final word, “GOODBYE!” We each said it in our own way.  . .The emotion was so great!

OUR GOOD PASTOR came shortly after that to see Alesya once more. It was such a blessing to have his support in such a difficult time – I think it was a comfort to all of us. As we hung around, Alesya’s mother began discussing the funeral plans with us and asked our pastor if he would preach at her funeral. She asked us to sing and be a part of it as well. Nastya’s mother replied, “Well, yes, if it comes to that!”

“IT HAS COME TO THAT.” was Alesya’s mom’s soft reply.

THE DAYS that followed were very tense, especially for Nastya and I. Every time the phone rang, we nearly jumped, wondering if the caller carried any news on Alesya’s condition. A few times we heard a little . . . she was breaking out in a sweat, her breathing was very heavy . . . but overall, she remained the same in that unconscious condition. We took a meal and flowers to her family . . . anything we could do to help . . . and we PRAYED!

“FOR THEY SHALL SEE GOD!”

THAT PREVIOUSLY mentioned call to come say goodbye came on a Wednesday. The following Monday night around 10 or 11, we heard the phone ring, but no one got out of bed to get it. Then mom’s cell rang, but again, we were half asleep so the call went unheeded. Early the next morning, her cell rang again and this time the message signal rang after the call was finished. Still, we did not yet bother. But the news had to reach us somehow. A little later, Nastya’s dad called our home phone and as the message machine came on, we heard the bittersweet words,

“ALESYA WENT TO BE WITH

JESUS!”

I SAY “BITTERSWEET” because it WAS both bitter and sweet. We were sad that she had died. We were going to miss her! BUT we knew she was WITH JESUS! She was HEALED! She was FREE! She was no longer suffering! Alesya had gone to that beautiful place called Heaven that she loved to hear us sing of time and time again!

THE FUNERAL was heartbreaking, but beautiful! It was held under a little “covert” outdoors at the cemetery. It was a sunny day in spring, a soft breeze blowing. When we arrived, the harp was being played and the people were crowding in. That funeral had more people there than I have EVER seen at a funeral! Our guess was around 250 to 300 people attending. The service itself lasted about 3 hours including Russian and English translations. We sang her song “I’ll Never Miss Heaven For The World” and the song “All The Way My Savior Leads Me”. Nastya and I were worried that when we sang her favorite song, we would completely lose it, but we held up fine. It wasn’t until her hospice nurse began talking about Alesya, the memories we had of her and the things that would remind us of her, that the tears started falling. Her youth group from church also sang several songs in Russian. The songs were beautiful and had almost a melancholy, minor key to them. Throughout the funeral, several of the little children, mostly Alesya’s little cousins came forward and stood around the coffin, all staring quietly at her still form.

AFTER THE SERVICE was finished, we all filed over to the grave site. Nastya and Amanda L- played the harp and violin, the song Ave Maria, as people filed out and took last looks at the body of the dear one we loved so much. At the grave site, her youth group sang once more . . . the song “O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus” rose in the air. Nastya and Amanda L- played again at the graveside. This time the song was “It’s Time to say Goodbye”. Many of us released beautiful monarch butterflies there from their dark little boxes out into the bright spring sunshine to freedom . . . . the butterflies representing Alesya, now freed from her paralyzed, suffering body into the glorious light of Jesus’ presence in Heaven! . . . Representing new life in Christ:

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” ~ II Corinthians 5:17

“Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.” Matthew 5:8

What sadness for us, but what joy for her!

AND THIS is where I end the life’s story of a beautiful girl, Alesya, who was  and is indeed that butterfly in spirit, soaring above all this world, resting in the love of her Savior! It was and is a grief that we are still working through. To lose such a beautiful person with such a radiant smile and shining spirit is indeed a tragedy! But, it is a beautiful story, for she lived her life in such a way as to touch SO many people and especially in that last year of her life. She kept such a sweet attitude, you could almost literally see God’s spirit illuminated within her! Her testimony is an example of a life that was totally submitted to the love and will of her God! Our memories with her are ones that will be cherished forever, and should such opportunities such as now come about to share of that one person’s influence, may we always take them to give another soul a glimpse into a life that was truly victorious and dedicated to God! I hope, dear Friend, that as you read this, you will be inspired to reach toward that goal of Heaven that Alesya now has gained! I hope that these words that I write will touch some heart and the spirit of this one girl and of her Lord will be portrayed in even but a small way, despite my humanly in-capabilities of doing so! I pray  God’s blessing!

IN LOVING MEMORY: ALESYA

Dedicated to you, dear girl, the one whose hand we held for a short time – but your heart we hold FOREVER! We love and miss you!!!